First off, let us begin with a friendly disclaimer.
I am no professional, no shrink, no life coach, no Tony Robbins, and nope, not even a Shia.
Never will I claim to be an expert at life. In fact, I can be a complete douche-rat at times.
I fail TONS, I stumble, I have been drenched in self-doubt. At multiple stages in my life, I have been madly riddled with depression and anxiety.
But I CAN claim that over time, I have grown a skin ten zillion times thicker than I started with.
Sure, I still GET those feelings of self-doubt, but I have a secret little trick I use to CRUSH THEM.
And yep, I still do have flashes of anxiety (as we naturally all do) – but they are now minor and fleeting.
My depression is pretty much non-existent at this point. And it’s all thanks to this method I use. Totally came up with it all on my ownsome, and am chuffed that it actually works. I figured hey, why not share with you? No harm, no foul right?
And good graysh, if this helps you even in the tiniest way, then consider my job done and excelled.
So let’s begin.
So all of these negative thoughts, doubts, and troubles – I imagine them to come from my Inner Hater.
This is going to sound weird, but I actually have a visual of him. A bratty little dude. He looks like he is aged somewhere from his late teens-mid 20’s – and he is a COMPLETE know-it-all. Yet, he dresses like a slob, has the poorest attitude towards life and is the biggest slacker out. He is prolific in the art of excuse-making, and he has mastered worming out of responsibilities.
He taunts, teases and shuts me down at each possible moment.
I used to let this just happen. We ALL naturally let this happen.
And that’s because we mistake our inner critics for ourselves.
Every one of us has our own Inner Hater, and while they are all visually unique characters, they are identical on the inside.
Each time you cave to its demands, yours grows stronger. Like the goddamn Hulk.
So, here are my golden tips on how to silence that mofo!
1. Remember: YOU are the DIRECTOR. He is the ACTOR.
Initially, YOU had those amazing thoughts. Those incredible ideas. Those beautiful dreams.
How freaking TINGLY HAPPY did you feel right in that VERY MOMENT when they popped into your mindgrapes?! Even for a flash second, right there you felt like you were radiating the warmth and power of a thousand suns, right?
Like 20,000,000 Beyonces at once, you felt ready to take on the world with your remarkable power.
RUN with that first thought. It’s raw. It’s 100% you. It’s real.
You direct your own damn movie and no-one else.
2. Don’t EVER confuse your Inner Hater with yourself.
Remember to envision this rat as a separate entity. As mentioned above, remember that YOU were the sole creator of those fresh and stellar ideas! It is just that you were sneakily coerced by the ensuing negative diatribe from your Inner Hater.
And you know what? You’re going to wipe that smirk right off its face. Repeatedly and at every opportunity.
When you treat yourself as the boss of your kingdom, it becomes very easy to view those preachings from your Inner Hater as simple word vomit. Pure vitriol. Just a bully dragging you down. And how do we treat bullies in real life?
Like they don’t EXIST. Without your attention, without your concern – they are powerless.
So, stop beating yourself up for stalling/slacking/making excuses. It’s not coming from the original authentic you – it’s from Mr/Mrs/Mx Inner Hater, MD.
3. 180 every single heck no into a heck yes by transforming it into a challenge.
At the beginning, this practice of flipping an idea on its head can be tricky.
If the volume is particularly loud and the incessant internalized putdowns just WILL NOT quit, put your own spin on the negativity you are hearing by flipping those harsh words into a challenge.
Instead of hearing: “Oh but you’re so lazy, there’s absolutely no way you’re going to get that done, not a chance, NOPE JUST SIT DOWN YEW.”
Flip it into a persona reflective of the most motivating human you can fathom up. Then focus on the opposite relay:
“That is the GREATEST IDEA EVER, and guess what? You are SO going to smash it. You are going to do SO f@*king fabulously well at this, and I am behind you all the way! I’m so proud of you, you grand legend! Now go, go, GO!”
I know this all might sound silly, it might even sound impossible for you – but it’s really not.
It is a fake it ’til you make it scenario each time. You might not yet believe the positive push, but just GO WITH IT. There will be no way that you can lose.
After all, remember who it was that initially thought of the incredible idea/big dream?
Trust your instincts. You’ll be gloriously happy simply because you attempted something rather than remaining predictable and stagnant. You’ll feel refreshed whether you succeed or not with the main goal, simply because you tried instead of giving up. Such reward!
With practice comes power. This shutting down of your Inner Hater becomes second nature after a short while, and before he even pops his head over the fence to open with his signature negative dribble, you’re already down skipping down the other end of the street, completely oblivious that he was even there.
Follow my three tips above, and you’ll be well on your way to treating yourself kinder, you’ll eventually begin to smash dreams and in general, will be able to get on with living a more positive life.
Hoping this didn’t come across too much as crazy person dribble!
I’ll finish with a little snippet of brain mash. I’m typing this late on a Sunday night so it may be completely incoherent. Pre-apologies.
I believe most people reach a point in life when they just begin to autopilot through. They grow to a level of self-understanding and self-appreciation that doesn’t come necessarily with age – but with trying new things, escaping their comfort zones and having a 5% or less functioning Inner Hater. You’ll notice them as the people who seemingly have it all together – not possession-wise – but through their powerful independent nature. They sit well with themselves, full of positivity and with an envious appreciation of self. Never is it cocky or pompous, they just exude a wise and comforting humbleness.
Some are lucky to be born closer to that level than others. My partner is the prime example. I am in constant awe of his quiet confidence, his welcoming warm attitude towards every single creature in his path, and his ability to charge past obstacles that for the old me, would just be impossible feats. He was incredibly lucky to be born this way; I swear his Inner Hater doesn’t even exist, but if he does have one, it’s faulty.
The above is attainable for everyone, and it simply begins when you start believing in yourself.
And that all begins when you silence your Inner Hater. That critic knows shit about life anyway.